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Currently showing posts tagged family

  • Poopy Pants

    I have a three year old who is *mostly* potty trained, but occasionally has accidents. Yesterday, he had a little poop accident and this is the conversation that followed.

    Me: "What happened?"
    Him: (very innocently) "I don't know, I didn't make that poop, that poop isn't mine."
    Me: "That isn't your poop in your pants?"
    Him: "Nope, it's daddy's."
    Me: "Daddy pooped in your pants?"
    Him: (very seriously) "Yes, he did."

    submitted by "mom"

  • Santa Claus

    I have a confession. I hate Santa Claus. As the parent of a small son, I should really enjoy the magic of the Christmas holidays. But I don't. You see, my son is six and he is autism spectrum and has a scientific mind. Every year, while other children are excited about the magic of Santa, my son looks at me with a scientific eye and wonders if I'm feeding him just one big line of bullshit. And, I am.

    When my son was two, he wanted the Christmas tree decorated on our front porch because he quite understandably didn't want a strange, old man in the house. When he was three, he started doing experiments off the bunk bed with a reindeer toy to test the aerodynamics of the ridiculous proposition that reindeer actually fly. When he was four, he was upset at the unfairness that our Jewish friends didn't get toys, so he asked Santa to bring their toys to our house; he could deduce no reason why Santa would discriminate based on religion. At age five, he came up with a complex theory about how Santa "knows when you’ve been sleeping,” and “knows when you’re awake.” And, this past Christmas he questioned whether Santa might actually have a tardis - because, you know, that would make his job quite a bit easier.

    My clever son was very close to figuring things out, and I can't wait until I can tell him. But, I don't want to be the mom who ruins it for the rest of the kids in first grade by sharing the news. The news that Santa Claus is bullshit.

    submitted by jenny

  • A Fact

    My dad was an asshole. This is a fact. One day, 10 years ago, he vanished. This was right after we had discovered that he had, been living a secret life. He had been lying about a lot of things - from the mundane to the outlandish. Instead of dealing with confrontation, he just vanished. No one could find him; no one heard from him for a long time. Finally, years later, a friend sent me a scan of an obituary page. My dad died without ever trying to reach out to us to possibly right his wrong. Nothing was resolved.

    submitted by "iamnotme"

  • Mathematical Bullshit

    Bullshit is that they went and changed math. I have three kids, and I can't help them with simple grade school math problems. It's not that numbers have changed; the way you get those numbers has changed. I guess the way we old folks learned math was wrong and stupid, and we are all dumber for learning it.

    My youngest daughter is in 3rd grade, and I can't help her do subtraction. I guess you can't carry numbers like I learned, and I am an old dog who can't learn new tricks.

    I'm sure it's simple, and maybe it is a better way to learn math. But, I should not have to fight with an eight-year-old about subtraction and feel stupid. Bullshit.

    submitted by christa